Let’s go back #BehindTheBlogger
December 2, 2015 § 21 Comments
I’d just recognised you from a few hundred yards away, and am at a sufficient distance for you not to have seen me. That’s good, it allows me a moment to quieten my nerves, centre myself and perceive you. Moments later you’ve recognised me, have waved & smiled sweetly whilst I shyly walk towards you. Immediate impressions are positive and are based on those superficial details. We have yet to actually meet/interact in person. As we greet each other, you inform me that you’d gotten a little lost – then produce a hand drawn map. I was both endeared and amused. Small talk occurs as I direct us to my favourite cafè. Once seated, the usual first date pleasantries occur. Once our order arrives, our conversation deepens as we ascertain compatibility. At this point I am energised by our chemistry, excited about how well we relate to each other plus delighted that we shared the same values.
Previously, dating had been such a reprehensible experience that I was happier to focus on self fulfilment than on finding love. I possessed no fifty-point-criteria-list for a future spouse, nor was it a prerequisite that he possess a six figure salary, 20% body fat, or be a trust-funder. Of greatest importance was a man who shared my faith and principles; compatibility, equality, friendship, decency, loyalty, who’d do his utmost to be a good father, whose company i’d enjoy, who possessed refinement, good mental & emotional health. No addictions, and a full head of hair! Accompanying desirable traits : kindness, intelligence, ambition, confidence, moral honesty (I don’t ask for much do I?). And here you were ticking all my boxes. I never expected the initial date to last for several more hours, yet didn’t think twice about the unorthodoxy of being accompanied on two errands mid-date…
The first errand
As the appointment commences, I inform the beauticians that i’m still on a date and could they speed it all up. They’re delighted (we all glance over and wave at you). From there we run another errand to collect some groceries where you kindly carry my handbag whilst I gather tomorrow’s dinner items. Once we’d finished, you invite me for dinner. We throw the bags in your boot and drive to the restaurant. The dinner was marvellous and was accessorised by easy conversation and laughter. During a comfortable silence, I gave ponderance to my late Father’s counsel re the importance of marrying a man who’d regard me me as his equal. This wisdom alone ensured that I have no interest in anyone who’d place my needs in subservience to theirs – particularly as we women are disposed to prioritising the needs of others in preference to our own. You have proved a patient companion during those errands and these hours.
As our date drew to an end, I felt glad for this moment (which was long awaited since the age of 18), adventurous to have let my guard down (what’s the point in approaching anything half heartedly), and brave for giving love another chance.
What followed was a year of courtship where we built a foundation of trust. We were beset by trials and joy – all of which reminded us that someone else is praying for the things we take for granted. We grew individually and together in Christ. The mutual enrichment maintains the impetus. I can challenge you and be stimulated by you. There are many moments of assurance where I know you were the right person, and you relate your experience as being mutual. In spite of my general reticence to marry, we celebrated our 2nd year anniversary this October. The point of my message is nil desperandum (never despair). truthfully, there is nothing to despair of. Additionally, don’t quit before the miracle occurs (one step at a time is the means by which we accomplish difficult things).
Let’s go back to the beginning. I’ve arrived in the countryside with the offer of work and accommodation – a dual blessing which will allow me to rebuild, having fled near vagrancy whilst in London. Despite such humbling circumstances, I remain committed to owning my own happiness.
Picture 1 – from our favourite cafè
Picture 2 – from a weekend getaway
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